College life has exposed me to a larger cross-section of my generation. It's a really astounding thing. Maybe it's that Tulane is filled with a bunch of wealthy Yankee fucks, but the whole experience has been rather disturbing. It really makes me question the optimism with which I typically view the future.
And there is no better example of the douchebaggery of our youth than in the Tulane Hullabaloo. Let's take a look at this week's editorial page, shall we?
Let's start off with a piece on abortion. Now, I know the guy who wrote this, and Will's a great guy, but he's totally fucking off base on this.
Add to that the belief that unless we get a chance to dip a soul in water, the all-knowing and all-powerful God is forced to make that soul burn for an eternity of torture. If you believe that, you're definitely going to have problems with abortion, and it makes sense that you would want to prevent others who happen to have different beliefs from having a say in the matter.
Unfortunately for the pro-life folks, it seems a majority of America doesn't agree - otherwise we would have stopped debating Roe v. Wade and started shooting doctors a long time ago.
Seriously? First he mischaracterizes the views of billions of religious people, then he insinuates that pro-lifers want to shoot doctors. Look, man - if you're attempting to critically examine the abortion debate, then do it. But this crap only further hurts the situation.
Then he gives Don Marquis' famous argument against abortion and argues against it with the basic shit we learned in Professor Courtland's Ethics 103 class. I'll skewer this shit another time. But suffice it to say that I'm sure Will isn't ready to really look at the ontology of embryos and humans. And if he can't do that (nobody really can in 500 words), then maybe he should stop trying.
Then we have a pair of political pieces that offer nothing new and simply parrot their respective parties' lines. I never said that this generation was politically disaffected. Just stupid.
We have the "Campus Question:" What do you think about the recent increase in sexual assault on and near campus? Well, Hullabaloo staff, I'm sure everything thinks it's pretty shitty. Some of the answers given:
"It sucks!" (No shit, really?)
"I don't know. I think it's awful."
"I think it's something that obviously and absolutely needs to be prevented."
"I think it's scary."
How insightful!
And, finally, we have the coup-de-grace. A piece by our resident hipster douchebag. Honestly, you can't make this shit up. And I'm sorry to all of those who won't get to see the writer's awesome staff photo, because this shit really needs to be seen. He's got the ironic smirk, ironic mullet, and ironic v-neck. Christ, I hate this school.
Really, I love his characterization of himself and his hipster friends as "young intellectuals." Yeah fucking right. Schedule of the hipster douchebag:
1:00 - Wake up, snort coke
2:00 - Walk around the quad with my shirt off and wearing cowboy boots (I've seen him do this, it's awful).
3:00 - Snort coke
4:00 - study about something. Just kidding, look ironic
5:00 - repeat ad nauseum.
He's not an intellectual. Intellectuals come up with new ideas. Even the postmodernists had something new to say.
If my generation's Students for a Democratic Society, the classic student activist group, composed our own Port Huron Statement, it would begin: "we are people of this generation, bred in substantial comfort, housed now in universities and gentrified neighborhoods, looking quite indifferently to the world we inherit."
You're all a bunch of fucking Randians. That's the only explanation. How can someone grow up in this society and not be convinced that something is grossly wrong? How can you look at the absolute poverty of New Orleans and not think that there are major problems in our everyday lives? How can you experience the iniquities of modern society and not see that there are still real battles to be fought? How can you look at the world - a world where most people live without real political power - and say that you are indifferent? You are a bunch of spoiled children. Perpetual children, who will always be living off of mommy and daddy's estate.
They (or we, if I may be so bold to include myself among today's apathetic wunderkinds) would rather steal V-necks and lament the implications of post-modern ontology than bother with such trivial things. We have no counter-culture because we have no cause.
No. You don't know what "post-modern ontology" means. You just like the way it sounds when it comes out of your pie-hole.
Look, compared to the hipster douches of the world, the Egoists as likeable. This guy is just full of himself. He's no wunderkind. He's a kid with too much free time and no sense of personal responsibility.
He's not the equivalent of Abbie Hoffman. Hoffman stood for something, even though life was pretty good. He's the equivalent of the characters in the Great Gatsby. And the only way his little clique will ever produce their Fitzgerald will be when some of them wise the fuck up.
I'm reminded of the Oingo Boingo classic "Nothing Bad Ever Happens to Me." They are this generation's yuppies. But they don't produce anything. They're just a cancer, a parasite on society. The Marxist in me wants to line them up against a wall.
Jesus, I just feel sorry for my English-major friends. They have to deal with this shit every day. These dicks stay out of the philosophy and economics departments, for the most part.
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