Charles Barkley is a funny man

Maybe it's because I love a good internet troll (incidently, this is why I usually understand that Justice is just being an asshole - doesn't mean I like his troll-fu, because it's terrible, but I understand the bastard), but this interview (you have to look for it) with Charles Barkley is freakin hilarious. And I don't think that the interviewers "get it" until about the time the Round Mound of Rebound insists that he was always in great shape during his Rockets years.

Great Parts:
(1) Calls Yao Ming a Communist
(2) Says Tracy McGrady probably wasn't able to get out of the first round of his softball tournament. He also would get hurt playing connect four.
(3) Calls out Rafer Alston for his streetball crap (this is a legitimate beef, actually, but Rafer doesn't do that too often anymore).
(4) Says the Rockets will finish 10th (but because it's the city of Houston, he'll bump them up to 9th).
(5) They're hurrible and turrible

Barkley's commentary last night was more serious: if the Rockets have T-Mac and Yao healthy, and if Artest doesn't fuck up, they'll be awesome. That's essentially the line that everyone has been parroting, but it's the truth. I honestly think that this crap with Artest is overblown - he clearly enjoys playing here (did you see how quickly he came to Yao's defense last night?) and the Rockets have given him a minder. He'll be fine. As I've said previously, injuries are unpredictable. They can sideline any team.

Hells Yeah! Eat Shit Dallas!

Not really a pretty win for the Rockets, but I suspect they'll take it. Defense was not "Best in the NBA" quality, but Artest was in Tru Warier form, instead of Crazy Pills form. However, he was called on a COMPLETELY BULLSHIT technical foul. He runs into the crowd of players forming around the site of a controversial call, attempting to pull Yao to the free-throw line. But first he touches Howard on the arm, sending the Dallas shittards into a frenzy. So he gets called with a technical for no fuckin reason but the fact that he's Ron Artest.

Everyone shot incredibly well from the line. Artest is actually fairly good at capitalizing on free-throws, so that's not entirely surprising, but T-Mac was 10-11. Yao has yet to miss a free throw shot thus far. Pretty cool.

What this game really highlited was how ridiculously deep this team is. During the fourth-quarter Rockets surge, neither Tracy nor Yao played. It was Artest and and the rest. And even whilst being matched up against the Dallas starters, they pushed Houston ahead. This team is so chock-full of great role-players, it's heart-warming.

As has been noted elsewhere (rather humorously in Free Darko's season "preview":

While watching Golden State struggle to get rebounds, Joey Dorsey wonders aloud why the team that already has Luis Scola, Carl Landry, and Chuck Hayes was the one that drafted him.

and in Basketball Prospectus' season preview for the Southwest Divison), we've got a lot of highly-skilled power forwards that we acquired for cheap. And while it's cool to be able to have Scola, Hayes, Landry, and now Dorsey at the position, one wonders what Morey could turn Hayes or Landry or Dorsey into. A truly solid point guard? A new knee for McGrady?

Still, it really illustrates how awesome Morey has been. He's drafted incredibly well out of the second round. And he's used those picks to either solidify an already awesome bench or add to the team's other weapons. I mean, he can't turn Joey Dorsey into Chris Paul, but he might be able to get something better than what we have.

On the other hand, Alston and Brooks are doing alright. In that same BP preview, you can take a look at the expected WARP values for all the Rockets. What's intriguing is that none of them project to be anything less than average. That's incredible, especially given the reputations of Alston and Head.

Anyways, an exciting win that showcases the Rockets' new scoring threats. This is going to be a great season.

Sometimes I wonder why I pay attention to this crap

So I'm watching that Around the Horn crap, and Bill "What the hell is he talkin 'bout" Plaschke says that Lidge's season was the best by any closer he's ever seen. Now, I'm willing to believe that, because I doubt that Plaschke has seen much. He seems to just talk out of his ass.

But this wasn't even Lidge's best season. That was his second season in the league - 2004. He posted a WHIP of 0.919 and an ERA of 1.90. Now, he wasn't the full-time closer that year, so maybe we shouldn't count it. But this season wasn't that much different from his 2005 season - it just ended differently.

Still, what was the best single season for a closer? I think we can narrow this one down to three seasons: Eric Gagne's 2003 season, Billy Wagner's 1997 season (maybe 2003, too), and Mariano Rivera's 2008 season (again, maybe 2005 or 2001).

So what do we find when we look at the statistics (I'll be looking at WARP on this one; it's not perfect but it's pretty good)? Well, as I said, this wasn't Lidge's best season: 2004 was (9.0 vs. 6.3).

Gas Can's 1999 season was his best (though not by much: 8.1 in 1999 vs 8.0 in 2003). Mariano Rivera's 2008 season was his best ever (an incredible 10.3 wins above replacement) while Eric Gagne's 2003 season was obviously his best (10.1 WARP).

Now, I don't think WARP tells the whole story, but it does a damn fine job of it. And Lidge's "perfect season" is an impressive accomplishment. But Lidge wasn't even the best closer this season! Rivera blew only one save this year, right? What's the difference between that and Lidge's extra save? Rivera (and as much as I loathe the Yankees, he deserves props for this) possibly had the best season for a closer ever (again, this would require a lot more statistical analysis), but he's been overshadowed by Francisco Rodriguez and Brad Lidge. That's too bad.

Going to watch the Rockets-Mavs game. Fuck Dallas, baby!

Anus-Clinchingly Awful

Holy shit, that looks painful. One of UH's receivers (and apparently one of the better ones) SNAPS HIS LEG ON IMPACT with some band carts. Ouch. I don't know what kind of damage that does to his career. Obviously, he's out for the season, but who knows how he'll do down the line?

Hey everybody, turns out we're pretty good

Daryl Morey is probably the best GM in the NBA. That's a bold statement for a guy who's still relatively new at this, but the man has shown he knows what he is doing. He inherited the Rockets' two big pieces - the Yao Ming - T-Mac tandem - and he has constructed a deep lineup of role-players around them. Shane Battier, Luis Scola, Carl Landry, and Brent Barry add secondary scoring threats and stellar defense to a team that already has two of the NBA's elite. The addition of Ron Artest has made (if everyone stays healthy come playoff time) the Rockets a true force in the Western Conference. Morey was instrumental in replacing Jeff Van Gundy (a great guy and a superb coach, but one whose defensive style added little to the Rockets) with the offensive-minded Rick Adelman. Adelman has constructed an efficient offense around our players, and his offensive philosophy will only further add to the Rockets' scoring threats.

Now, however, Morey is out of the picture. He can't really add anything to the team. Deke will probably be signed around the deadline for what will probably be one of his final seasons. But after that addition, there will be little that Morey can do.

It's up to Adelman to use the tools that Morey has given him. The Rockets are deep enough to exploit virtually any matchup their opponents throw at them, and Adelman's style will make sure that everyone gets time on the court. There won't be any dead weight on the bench. Like I said - efficient.

Of course, the Rockets have two major weaknesses. Both are really up to luck at this point - point guards and injuries.

They can't change anything at point guard. Steve Francis is here to stay. Rafer Alston is usually pretty bad, but he has moments of greatness. Aaron Brooks isn't terrible. But we don't know. Maybe Alston has a good season. Maybe Francis comes back from his injury and recaptures some of his youthful greatness. These are unknowns, and the Rockets can't do anything about them now.

Injuries can be protected against - making sure that Yao and T-Mac don't overextend themselves in the regular season. But it really comes down to luck. If we are unlucky, both injur themselves and are out for the season, leaving us with only Artest. If we are lucky, both stay healthy and are monsters in the playoffs. Again, there is nothing the Rockets can do about this - it's just luck of the draw.

But this should be a good season. This is their year to win it. I don't believe the Lakers are as good as everyone thinks they are. I think we can match up well against New Orleans. I think the Spurs don't have it in them, the Mavericks suck this year, and the Suns are a joke. The Jazz will falter. The Blazers will make the playoffs, but will fall victim to a much better team. My prediction for the Western Conference Championship - Hornets vs. Rockets. The Final will be between the Rockets and Celtics. The Rockets will win it all.

This team has the potential to exceed the greatness of the 1995 Rockets. And just like the Dream-Glide Rockets of more than a decade ago, the Yao-T-Mac-Tru Wariar Rockets of 2009 are doubted by the media. It's their year to win it.

Ugh. I'm sick as hell. Indigestion or something. Thrown up three times. Awful.

Anyways, I watched the Indy-Sister Fuckers game. I'm always surprised by how the MNF announcers fellate certain teams. Typically, the Colts are on the receiving end of that fellatio, but tonight Tennessee took their place.

They couldn't shut the fuck up about how much shit the Titans had to go through after the move from Houston. Yep, they didn't have a stadium ready. Yep, they didn't have practice facilities. I wonder where they could have had those things? Fuck Bud Adams. Fuck hick country. Bunch of inbred assholes.

Texans get their first 3-game win streak ever.

And they get their largest margin of victory ever (29 pts), highest QB rating (145.0), highest completion percentage (86%), Dunta broke the franchise record for career interceptions (12), and Andre Johnson made 11 receptions for 143 yards. Jacoby Jones got his 2nd punt-return TD of the season (another franchise record). Damn. The Bengals made the Texans look good.

Granted, AJ was playing against the worst team in the AFC, but he continues to show that he's the best receiver in the conference, if not the NFL. I've read many commentators who have said he's a young Terrell Owens. I'd agree (he drops more passes than TO - though that's just my impression, so it's probably not true), plus he doesn't have Owens' psychological issues. But because he's not a prima-donna, AJ doesn't get the same national exposure. It's too bad.

Anyways, it was a good win. The defense looked good. The offense was awesome. Special teams were excellent. But it was just the Bengals. Next week, they go up against the hapless Vikings. It will be a real test, even if the Vikings are awful. Their awfulness is largely confined to their special teams and QB situation, however, so we'll see how bad they are against the Texans.

It sucks being a Texans fan

Not only do we root for a shitty team, we get fucked by the NFL. NOLA's CBS (and Fox, too) feels that bull riding brings better ratings than the Texans, so the only Texans game I've seen on TV is the tragic Indy loss.

And, this week (and for most of last week's) I can't find a stream on the internet. Fuckin sucks when two shitty teams play each other - nobody on the internet bothers to stream it.

So I've got to listen to Mark Vandemeer. Which could be worse, but it still sucks.

Maybe we won't lose this one (the Bengals have a good passing game, and our pass defense is awful, however). But the Bengals just went 3-and-out on the opening drive, and Jacoby Jones took the punt return in for the touchdown. Sweet.

Vidjagames and Such

I'm faced with something of a dillema: I want to get Fable 2 (I enjoyed the first Fable, despite the fact that it was nothing like what it was promised to be), but Fallout 3 is coming out in a week. Add to that the fact that NBA 2K9 is out, and I have three major games on the to-play list. NBA 2K9 can wait a while, but the other two are kind of a toss-up. I can buy both, of course, but then I'm liable to get absolutely nothing done between now and finals. Difficult choice.

Both Fable 2 and Fallout 3 are supposed to be really awesome RPGs. They don't make many of those any more - Black Isle is dead, BioWare is making RPGs that are more like adventure games, anyways, and only Bethesda is still making real, American-style role playing games.

I still think, eight years after the fact, that Baldur's Gate 2 was the greatest CRPG ever made. I still play the fucking thing. It's awesome. Never gets old, especially with all the mods available for it these days.

What's a shame is that no companies are making this type of game anymore. BioWare makes party-based games, but you have little control over your party and less over the story (don't get me wrong, Mass Effect is great, but I'd like to be able to, you know, pick whether or not I'm going to let the weird aliens tag along with me. I'd especially like to be able to take them with me when I'm on a mission. This "party of three" thing they pull with all of their games these days really pisses me off.) Their Dragon Age game might be cool, but it still seems like it will pull that same bullshit.

If I were making a new RPG, here's what I'd do:
1) Real time, but pausable. Baldur's Gate innovated this, so why do companies keep half-assing it a decade later?
2) Party-based. Lots of party-able NPC's available, and I get to take 5-6 of them with me. Again, this has been around since the 1980s, so why does everyone fuck this up?
3) LET ME FUCKING CONTROL MY PARTY MEMBERS! - Christ, I'm tired of seeing my party members run into my line of fire (I'm looking at you Fallouts 1 and 2). Just let me control the dumb bastards. Makes it more tactical, to boot.
3) Non-epic story. Games don't always have to be "save the world." I'd like to see storylines pursue slightly more down-to-earth goals, like save the country or whatever. This makes it easier to add sequels, too, since you didn't just wreak havic on your fantasy world.
4) Non-linear, lots of side-quests. I like to take my time. Let me. I paid $50+ for your fucking game, after all.
5) If you're going to pursue the moral angle, give me more than "good and bad." I'd like to see a legitimate difference between a Utilitarian world view and a nihlist one - all too often, games try to pigeonhole the player into pursuing only two paths. That sucks.
6) Elves with guns. Arcanum was cool.

See? It's simple. They should pay me to do this shit. I'd be pretty good.

Astros sign some dude from Taiwan

Apparently, the Astros' Asian scouting division is getting something done, and the Good Guys now include Chia-Jen Lo. He's 22 years old, and this would be his first professional gig. He tops out at 95 mph on his fastball and throws a curveball, according to BR Bullpen. So it seems like he's a reliever. I can't find anything else, stats-wise, about him. We also only paid $250,000 for him, beating out Boston's offer of $200,000. Cool.

Allison Footer - atypically chipper this week - douses fans' hopes for a Peavy trade:

Now it's time to step back into my glass-half-empty mode. Would that be enough for the Padres to deal Peavy to Houston? Maybe. But to deal those aforementioned pitchers sacrifices the future and overall health of the organization. Insiders are really excited about the '08 Draft class, and I believe that the team is on its way to rebuilding what has been lost over the last five years. But they need depth. They need to develop their own players. And getting rid of them -- all of them -- for Peavy, who has a ton of money coming to him over the next four years, may not be the best route to take.

This is the point I've been trying to make for the last week about this potential trade. Any trade will invariably hurt the Astros organization more than it helps the big-league club - particularly if it involves trading Spaz or Bogusevic or what little young pitching we have. As I posted over at the Crawfish Boxes (yes, I'm enough of an asshole to quote myself):

But from everything I’ve read, Wade blends both “traditional” evaluation and statistical evaluation, which should mean that given enough time, the Astros will improve. I know we Astros fans are eager to see immediate change (it’s why so many of us want to see Ben Sheets in an Astros uniform), but it’s going to take some time.

I've said it before: give the Astros a few seasons, and we will once again be a powerhouse. Just give it time, folks.

Hey, remember Drew Sutton?

I mentioned him about two months ago, when I was attempting to show how Ed Wade could cut payroll significantly and blow up the roster. Well, turns out he's tearing up the Arizona Fall League: he's batting .636/1.125/1.761 in 10 games. Granted, that's a small sample size, but if he has a strong showing, the Astros' 2B situation is going to be very interesting. If Sutton hits well coming out of spring training, I'd hate to see Ed Wade treat Sutton like Purpura did with Pence - if he's good, put him in MLB games right away. Kazuo is going to go down at some point next season. Even if he doesn't get injured, Sutton should get the opportunity to compete for the starting spot. Really, I wouldn't mind just calling Sutton up and trading Matsui - if Sutton is a disaster we can still use Loretta.

After Bogusevic recovered from a slight hamstring tweaking, he's gone .357/.435/.792 in 8 games. Not destroying anything, but that's alright. If he has a strong showing this fall, he's probably going to give Bourn a run for his money during spring training, too.

Vince the Idiot

Da Good, Da Bad, and DeMeco has a pretty hilarious post up about Vince Young's most recent press conference. The best part:

"[Collins] and me, we talk all the time. All the time. For anything. Not just football but off the field things, business-wise, accounts. All kinds of stuff.'"

Why, just the other day, Kerry and Vince held court in the lockerroom regarding the current financial crisis, during which Vince opined that the largest problem is the lack of consumer confidence in the value of mortgage-backed securities. Vince advocated riding out the stock market fluctuations if you are still in at this point, though Kerry proposed that you should always have a stop-loss selling point in mind. Vince countered that, were someone still in, they likely passed a realistic stop-loss number a while ago.

Hah. As I've said previously, I think Vince Young can still be a good QB. His completion percentage rose last year (though he didn't get any increase in yards from it), and he might still be able to develop further. There's a pretty small window on that, however, I think it's doubtful he'll get the coaching he needs. That's not a knock on the Titans' coaching staff, it's just that the guy probably requires a very specialized touch.

Just to make things absolutely clear:

Eat shit:
1) Boston / New England
2) Cowboys fans (and, by extension, Dallas)
3) Dallas (deserves its own)
4) Indianapolis

Houston wins (was WAY too close for comfort by the end, there, but a win is a win), Dallas loses, Boston loses. Great day. Now I don't really give a shit about what happens in the World Series, since I hate neither team, but I'd rather have the Phillies win. Having the Rays accomplish in 10 years what took the Astros 42 years is painful enough, but having them win a World Series would suck. Of course, those fucks in Arizona and Florida have titles, so fuck them. In any case, having the Yankees of the 21st Century lose some is pretty awesome, since we all hate those fucks in New England.

But the Cowboys lost to the fucking Rams. And the Colts got blown out. The only thing that would have made this better would have been if the Tennessee Sister-Fuckers had lost, too.

I've been fucking around with Madden lately

I started a franchise game where I upped Slaton's stats slightly (79 -> 82) and traded Schaub and a 3rd round pick to the Titans for Vince Young. They were more than happy to take the trade and have someone other than an alcoholic with the shakes running the offense, and I was more than happy to see what virtual-Vince could do with some real receivers.

Thus far, I've been impressed. Obviously, video games are no way to evaluate players, but virtual Vince has added a fairly interesting dynamic to the Texans' offense. And with guys like Owen Daniels, Andre Davis, Kevin Walter, and (most importantly) our man Andre Johnson there to bail virtual-Vince out, it leads to interesting plays. The AI prefers to blitz virtual-Vince, but virtual-Vince is faster than the defense most of the time, which usually buys enough time for the receivers in the secondary to get open. My favorite play is using play action (Slaton is scary enough for most defenses to guard against his run, too), scrambling outside towards the line of scrimmage, and then throwing a long pass out to AJ or KW. Pretty cool.

Obviously, virtual-Vince isn't as mind-bogglingly stupid as real Vince. So he doesn't throw into coverage as often. But it's a fun experiment.

I think the real Vince Young might yet develop into a good QB. Unfortunately for him, he's been the victim of being rushed into the starting position and probably being retarded. It's really too bad that Bud Adams forced the Titans management to draft the poor bastard, because they have totally botched his development.

Hey, now I'm the hipster douche!

I was a communist before it was cool.

And then I dropped it right as it got "mainstream." Shit, I knew I was a trendsetter. Pretty soon, everyone is going to leave Communism and become Syndicalists, and then I'll drop that for neo-feudalism. It'll be great, I promise.

Seriously though, anybody attempting to read Capital as a guide to what is going wrong in the current crisis is a fucking fool. That is some dense reading material, and anybody without at least some economics training is going to be lost.

Anyways, anyone looking for a slightly better evaluation of orthodox Marxism needs to read:
1) Marx's Revenge by Meghnad Desai
2) Beyond Marxism by Sidney Hook

Good discussions of the classic misinterpretations of Marx's work. I think Hook might be a little off, given that he thought Marx really had some sort of moral considerations, but he puts up a good argument. Desai is a relatively famous economist, and he shows where (particularly in Capital) Marx may have realized that Capitalism was not necessarily doomed to failure. On the other hand, the failure of Keynesianism and the victories of the neo-Classicals like Friedman might mean that Marx was right, after all. Keynes' work really fucked with what Marx thought was necessary, and Friedman's work shows that Capitalism really can't be "fixed."

The problem Marx presents is that he had such an ambivalent view towards Capitalism. He saw it, I suppose, as something similar to a walk in baseball - a good thing, but not the best thing. It made real surplus of wealth possible for the first time in human history, but it came at the cost of exploitation and inequality.

In any case, anybody who's turned off of Capitalism from this little spat in the economy needs to get a grip. But if they're looking for some sort of answer to the damn thing, don't look to the classical Communist parties. They're a bunch of tools.

As usual, nobody knows what the hell they're talking about.

For the last week of so, the Jake Peavy rumors have been flying. And the Crawfish Boxes has a good post about the possible effects of such a trade.

Look, a trade for Peavy is pretty unlikely. As in, about 1000 to 1. But Peavy has stated that he'd really like to pitch in Houston. No doubt that the presence of Roy (with whom Peavy owns a hunting ranch in Michigan) is a big part of that.

While I think Wade could do worse than gathering Roy and Lance's hunting buddies into a team (remember how hard they were lobbying for Sheets?), the Astros really should be focusing on rebuilding. The only way I can see this working is if the Astros concoct some three-way trade for Peavy, which would be exceedingly difficult. If we were able to get rid of Tejada in such a trade, all the better. Otherwise, I have no clue as to how such a trade would happen.

A chronicle of everything wrong with my generation.

College life has exposed me to a larger cross-section of my generation. It's a really astounding thing. Maybe it's that Tulane is filled with a bunch of wealthy Yankee fucks, but the whole experience has been rather disturbing. It really makes me question the optimism with which I typically view the future.

And there is no better example of the douchebaggery of our youth than in the Tulane Hullabaloo. Let's take a look at this week's editorial page, shall we?

Let's start off with a piece on abortion. Now, I know the guy who wrote this, and Will's a great guy, but he's totally fucking off base on this.

Add to that the belief that unless we get a chance to dip a soul in water, the all-knowing and all-powerful God is forced to make that soul burn for an eternity of torture. If you believe that, you're definitely going to have problems with abortion, and it makes sense that you would want to prevent others who happen to have different beliefs from having a say in the matter.

Unfortunately for the pro-life folks, it seems a majority of America doesn't agree - otherwise we would have stopped debating Roe v. Wade and started shooting doctors a long time ago.

Seriously? First he mischaracterizes the views of billions of religious people, then he insinuates that pro-lifers want to shoot doctors. Look, man - if you're attempting to critically examine the abortion debate, then do it. But this crap only further hurts the situation.

Then he gives Don Marquis' famous argument against abortion and argues against it with the basic shit we learned in Professor Courtland's Ethics 103 class. I'll skewer this shit another time. But suffice it to say that I'm sure Will isn't ready to really look at the ontology of embryos and humans. And if he can't do that (nobody really can in 500 words), then maybe he should stop trying.

Then we have a pair of political pieces that offer nothing new and simply parrot their respective parties' lines. I never said that this generation was politically disaffected. Just stupid.

We have the "Campus Question:" What do you think about the recent increase in sexual assault on and near campus? Well, Hullabaloo staff, I'm sure everything thinks it's pretty shitty. Some of the answers given:

"It sucks!" (No shit, really?)
"I don't know. I think it's awful."
"I think it's something that obviously and absolutely needs to be prevented."
"I think it's scary."

How insightful!

And, finally, we have the coup-de-grace. A piece by our resident hipster douchebag. Honestly, you can't make this shit up. And I'm sorry to all of those who won't get to see the writer's awesome staff photo, because this shit really needs to be seen. He's got the ironic smirk, ironic mullet, and ironic v-neck. Christ, I hate this school.

Really, I love his characterization of himself and his hipster friends as "young intellectuals." Yeah fucking right. Schedule of the hipster douchebag:

1:00 - Wake up, snort coke
2:00 - Walk around the quad with my shirt off and wearing cowboy boots (I've seen him do this, it's awful).
3:00 - Snort coke
4:00 - study about something. Just kidding, look ironic
5:00 - repeat ad nauseum.

He's not an intellectual. Intellectuals come up with new ideas. Even the postmodernists had something new to say.

If my generation's Students for a Democratic Society, the classic student activist group, composed our own Port Huron Statement, it would begin: "we are people of this generation, bred in substantial comfort, housed now in universities and gentrified neighborhoods, looking quite indifferently to the world we inherit."

You're all a bunch of fucking Randians. That's the only explanation. How can someone grow up in this society and not be convinced that something is grossly wrong? How can you look at the absolute poverty of New Orleans and not think that there are major problems in our everyday lives? How can you experience the iniquities of modern society and not see that there are still real battles to be fought? How can you look at the world - a world where most people live without real political power - and say that you are indifferent? You are a bunch of spoiled children. Perpetual children, who will always be living off of mommy and daddy's estate.

They (or we, if I may be so bold to include myself among today's apathetic wunderkinds) would rather steal V-necks and lament the implications of post-modern ontology than bother with such trivial things. We have no counter-culture because we have no cause.

No. You don't know what "post-modern ontology" means. You just like the way it sounds when it comes out of your pie-hole.

Look, compared to the hipster douches of the world, the Egoists as likeable. This guy is just full of himself. He's no wunderkind. He's a kid with too much free time and no sense of personal responsibility.

He's not the equivalent of Abbie Hoffman. Hoffman stood for something, even though life was pretty good. He's the equivalent of the characters in the Great Gatsby. And the only way his little clique will ever produce their Fitzgerald will be when some of them wise the fuck up.

I'm reminded of the Oingo Boingo classic "Nothing Bad Ever Happens to Me." They are this generation's yuppies. But they don't produce anything. They're just a cancer, a parasite on society. The Marxist in me wants to line them up against a wall.

Jesus, I just feel sorry for my English-major friends. They have to deal with this shit every day. These dicks stay out of the philosophy and economics departments, for the most part.

Urge to kill rising

Fuck you, Bud. Goddamnit, you're the worst fucking thing since Pol Pot. And, I swear to God, if you play in Houston wearing the damn things, it'll be your head. Christ, the NFL better deny them their request. Fuck them.

This has gotten me thinking: if the opportunity to take back the Oilers legacy arose, would you take it? If Bud Adams died tomorrow, and whoever inherited/bought the team offered the Oiler name and records to Bob McNair, would we accept it?

My natural reaction is yes. I still think the "Texans" nickname is a stupid one, but it's one I've grown accustomed to. It would be nice to have the Campbell/Blanda/Moon etc. legacy back where it belongs. Actually, just having Campbell's records back would be cool. Moon is a drunk wife-beater. Campbell is an official Hero of Texas.

But I almost feel like that legacy is tainted goods. Those fucks in Tennessee tarnished it. And it kind of feels like accepting it and becoming the Oilers once again would somehow be a bitch thing to do. I don't know.

Whatev. That fucker better not show his jabba-the-hut face on the streets.

Maybe our secondary won't be so bad this weekend...

'Cause Dunta is back, baby!

Never seen anything like that before...

I'm sure I'm not the first (or second, or hundredth, or thousandth) person to point this out, but Obama's campaign is freakin creepy. Obama is the first political candidate (in my short lifetime, admittedly) whom I remember attaining legitimate status as a pop-culture icon. Growing up, I never saw people wear t-shirts with Clinton's face on them. I never saw Gore or Bush posters prominently featuring either's visage. What the hell is going on?

Is it just my generation? Is it just that people my age are predisposed towards this? I don't know, and it's a frightening thing.

Politicians should not have this sort of devotion attached to them. This is not simply a devotion to his ideas or ideology (he fails to articulate either, anyways), but a real idealization of the man. That's a troubling phenomenon, because it means that the likelihood of his supporters analyzing his policy decisions in the future is much less.

Politicians should be ugly. They should be uncool. They shouldn't have mainstream people hanging up their pictures.

I wouldn't compare this to a real cult of personality, because it's not even close. But Obama has become an actual icon, and I think that contributes to the weird ideas people associate with him - he'll fix all our problems, foreigners will love us, race relations will be solved, poverty will be gone. These expectations would not be associated with anyone else.

People just need to stop treating the guy like a movie star. It's disturbing.

Who the fuck keeps giving Mike Winters a job?

He's the home plate umpire for tonight's NLCS game. Twice, he's called an inning-ending strike 3 on balls below the knee. Once on Russell Martin and another on Jeff Kent. The one on Kent was outside, too.

We've been through this shit with Winters before. It's kind of crazy that the MLB assigned him to umpire a playoff game. Christ, he's awful.

Why didn't Wade think of that?

"If we add a few players, we can contend," ace Roy Oswalt said. "I think we're about three players away from being real good. I'd say baseball players. Pitching is a spot to start at, for sure. Players."

Well, shit, Roy... that's fucking deep. We just need a few more players - baseball players, specifically - and the Astros will contend. I'm sorry that DeMeco Ryans won't be the Astros' starting third baseman next season, but I'm glad that the Wizard figured out our need for baseball players.

Reason for some hope

I think that Drayton's seeming reluctance to sign any big FA pitchers this winter is going to be a little painful. So I'm going to list the minor leaguers from this year's draft (and any Latin signings) whose stats jump out at me.

1) Nathan Metroka - OF/DH, 21 y/o. I know I've talked about him before, but it bears mentioning again. He batted .327/.387/.531 in 33 games. He's in rookie ball with Greenville. Oh, and he was our 49th pick of the draft.

2) Phil Disher - 1B/DH, 23 y/o. Again, mentioned before. .304/.381/.536. Dude's hit 13 homers in 71 games, so that's good. What's impressive about both Disher and Metroka is that they're walking. It's not a lot of walks, but it's not like they're Tejada. Walking 6-8% of the time is pretty good.

3) David Flores- 3B, 21 y/o. 56 games, 11 homers, 17 doubles, going .266/.319/.495. He's also stolen five bases without getting caught.

4) Jack Shuck - CF, 21 y/o. .300/.385/.430 Undoubtedly has the coolest name in the Astros' draft class. And he's doing fairly well.

5) Daniel Meszaros - RP 21 y/0. In 26 innings, he's posted a 1.10 WHIP. What's cooler is that he's striking out better than two an inning in low A. Small sample size, I know, but it's pretty good.

6) Patrick Urckfitz - RP 19 y/0. Okay, this guy has the coolest name. Urckfitz - wow. Striking out better than one an inning in rookie ball.

7) Jose Santana - OF 19 y/o. He's Dominican. What's strange about this is he's a Dominican with a real batting eye. Look at this line: .289/.434/.330. He doesn't have any power, but that's pretty typical of young kids. In any case, he's walking almost 15% of the time. That's good.

8) Jacob Priday - OF/DH 22 y/o. Okay, his numbers aren't really there yet. He's only played 24 games in A ball, though. What I know is that he's an Adam Dunn clone (and Dunn's his "most similar player," according to him). He strikes out a lot, but walks enough and shows enough power that he might have a career. If he can walk more and improve his power, he'll be great. And we might see that next year, as the current class gets acquainted with wooden bats and develop further.

Have faith. The Stros farm system is improving. Give it time.

Strange

I was perusing the Rays blog over at SBN, and I looked at the posts for tonight's game (oh, by the way - Crawford tied a record for most hits in a playoff game, going 5-5. He also had two steals and scored thrice. He's from here, you know).

Anyways, I think that the Rays blog might just be populated by /b/tards. That's just going by the avatars and references to fuckin furries. I'm not sure what to think about that. On the one hand, /b/tards make the internet go, but on the other, they are the human equivalent of gonorhea.

Dickie J isn't from around here.

Justice apparently needs more hits to his blog, because he's gone back to his "troll my readers" strategy. This time: Why do Houston fans hate the Cowboys?

I have no idea where Justice comes from. I know he's a UT alumnus, but that doesn't mean much. So maybe he doesn't understand this basic fact - Houston hates Dallas. It's just the way of the world. We hate their city (bunch of stuck-up fucks), they hate our city (dirty, mosquito-infested swamp) - it's a nice little set-up we've got going. The only people who root for the Cowboys in Houston are either (A) not from here, or (B) a bunch of traitorous fucks who better not be rooting for any other Houston teams, because that's a bunch of bullshit.

Now, for years, that rivalry was centered around the Governor's Cup and all that bullshit. But a decade of combined Oiler playoff chokes, losing Oiler teams, no NFL team in the city, and finally a terrible expansion team have made an NFL rivalry something of a joke. Houston is, strangely enough, more interested in the Stros than the Texans. Of course, the Rangers suck, so nobody in Houston really cares how they do. The only sport where Houston and Dallas are on par is basketball, and I'm happy whenever the Rockets kick the Mavericks' asses (I'm also happy when they destroy the Spurs, but it's less cathartic. I'm rather fond of San Antonio).

So, if the Texans can't compete with the Cowboys (however, the Cowboys are VASTLY overrated every year), I'm happy to just see Dallas teams lose. And I'm happy that Romo will not be playing for a month (lighten up, Cowboys fans, he just broke his pinky; he'll be fine). And I hope that "America's Team" fucking crashes and burns.

Honestly, I don't know what the hell Justice is confused about. It's a pretty simple equation.

EDIT:

I'm particularly fond of comments like this:

I'm a Cowboy's fan and rooted for the Oilers and Texans, as long as they weren't playing Dallas.

No. No, you're not a Cowboys fan. You can't cheer both teams and be a fan. I don't cheer the Mavs or Spurs. I don't care that they are from Texas; it just doesn't work that way. The only time boundary lines can be crossed is with South-Central Texans picking a baseball or football team. Otherwise, you stay loyal to your region's sports team. That's just the way it works.

That would be a stupid attitude to have in real life, but fortunately, sports teams aren't real life. So we can enforce arbitrary cultural boundaries.

The Texans' two minute drill

I noticed, as have other people, that the Texans rely an awful lot on one play in their two-minute drill. In fact, it seems that virtually every drill features the play within the first three or four plays.

Yes, Texans fans, that play is their patented QB Sack. It wouldn't be a Texans last-minute-to-win-the-game drive without it. While the coaching staff seems to call this play less frequently after Mittens was released, and Houston was one of the worse teams in running the play last season, the Texans are still pretty awesome at getting their QB sacked when the game is on the line. I once feared that the improved O-line would cut down on the Texans' effectiveness in this regard, but (despite Duane Brown's excellence thus far) they have shown themselves to be amongst the league's elite. Congratulations, Texans. You earned it.

Texans Win! Texans Win! Texans WIN!

Oh happy day! God, I knew You were just jerking us all around when You had Eugene Wilson catch that interception and then fumble it away. I knew You were just kidding around when Ronnie Brown got another TD to put the Texans down 23-28 with only 1:45 left on the clock. I knew it was all in Your divine plan to have the whole game come down to a 4th-and-3 QB draw play.

Sitting here in NOLA, I was joining in with those Texans fans at Reliant booing Schaub. He threw two interceptions today, which really cost us. Maybe that was just post-Case-of-the-Shits jitters.

Still, there were people chanting "We want Rosenfels" at the game. What the fuck, people? Were ya'll in some sort of mass coma last Sunday? Did you not see the Rosen-copter? I understand that Schaub was throwing pretty fucking dangerously today, but Rosenfels is no better. In fact, he's signifcantly worse.

Well, at least the Texans won't go 0-fer the season. This one had me holding my breath to the very end, and I'll be happy when the play the hapless Lions next Sunday. Hopefully that game will be much more conducive to my nerves.

The Rockets were handed their first defeat of the pre-season last night. Pretty bullshit calls at the end of the game. In other news, T-Mac almost got into two fights, and Ron Artest kicked Paul Pierce's ass. Awesome.

EDIT:

Oh, and Ed Hochuli was the ref for the Texans game. One blown call (that facemasking call in New Orleans wasn't his fault, fuckers) and Guns' career goes down the shitter - reffing Texans - Dolphins games. Ouch.

Rays win, Longhorns win, Texans will probably lose.

That about sums it up. Glad to see Tampa Bay kick some ass, even if it took 11 innings. Also, Josh Beckett doesn't have a chin. The Longhorns benefited from some shitty officiating, but so did the Sooners. You'd think they'd have better refs for the Big 12's most important game of the year. Anyways, it's good to see Texas win, even if I'm not emotionally invested in them in the same way as Houston teams. Buncha hicks in Oklahoma should learn not to show up to these things.

The Texans face the Dolphins today. A couple weeks ago, this game seemed like a gimme, but it seems pretty clear now that the Dolphins are significantly better than anyone expected. They're no powerhouse, but they won't be pushovers, either. So the Texans will probably get their ass kicked.

The more I think about it, the more I like it.

I know that Drayton McLane and Ed Wade are going to take a lot of shit this offseason if they don't sign Ben Sheets (or some other ace pitcher). Drayton has indicated that they'll just stick with what they've got.

It's impossible to know someone's motivations. They way I see it, Ed Wade could have three reasons for not pursuing free agents this winter:

1) Money. It could be that Drayton is just unwilling to expand payroll. We're paying a lot of money to Tejada, Berkman, Lee, and Oswalt, and we're not getting that much out of it. Add to that a relatively large contract to Matsui, and we've got a club with a lot of money tied up in older players.

Now, I'm pretty sure that Drayton and Wade want to sign Valverde to a big contract. I'm not so sure that's a good idea - he's an injury risk and closers are highly overrated. I think his main value to the Astros would be as trade bait or as two draft picks in 2010. But clubs want "experienced" closers, and Valverde is as good as any other.

So Drayton could just be scrimping on payroll now to pay for other stuff down the line. That's not unreasonable.

2) Stupidity. Wade could be vastly overrating this team. He might think that this club really is an 87 win team, and that's just stupid. So he and Drayton might believe that, if they just go after some lesser-known talent, they can win big next year.

3) Wade is a freakin' genius. Or at least he pays attention. He might realize that this team really sucks, and that investing further will just be adding payroll to a team that might make it to 4th place in the NL Central next year.

So he might be looking for cheap contracts just to shore up the rotation and get the Astros through the season. They'll focus on the farm system for a while, and just hope for the best in the major league team.

I don't know. If they do go for a "rebuilding" route, it's going to be a shitty couple years. Only the wealthiest clubs (Yankees, Red Sox, etc.) can rebuild while remaining competitive in the big leagues. That's unfortunate for the rest of us. But remember that if we're patient, we can see another Astros dynasty. I'm pretty fucking tired of waiting for it, but I figure I can do it for another few years.

Shut your fucking yap

I always find this time of baseball season the most mind-numbingly stupid. It's when all the sports pundits won't shut the fuck up about how some players are clutch and others just can't get it done in the playoffs. It's when all the fans get to act like their team is the center of the universe, and we see the idiots make asses of themselves.

I think that there is really no better example of this than with the Tampa Bay Rays. The Rays are good. Really good. Baseball Prospectus predicted this, stat heads knew this, and your average ESPN pundit didn't realize it. So they kept saying stupid shit about the Rays - they're scrappy, this has been a magical season, etc. That's a load of shit. The Rays are a fantastic collection of talent, and they'll keep being good for many more years. They've developed the best farm system in baseball, and they've ensured that the AL East will probably be the toughest division in baseball.

Now, the AL East didn't used to be good. Hank Steinbrenner thinks it was, but the AL East was just the Yankees for about eight years. Then the Red Sox got good, so now there were two good teams. Now the Rays are a powerhouse, and the Blue Jays are getting better every year. Only the O's continue to suck outright.

While the bullshit surprise about the Rays and Hank Steinbrenner's crybaby shit is hilarious, what's even better is listening to Red Sox fans. Yankees fans are just pissed that they didn't make the playoffs.

But Sox fans are pissed that this new team is challenging them. They're pissed that a team that can't sell out it's ballpark during the regular season is making it.

Here's the thing: we really shouldn't expect there to be a large fanbase for the Rays. They spent years sucking. And the old ownership didn't give a shit about fielding a good team or caring for fans.

Look, the Red Sox have had a lack of postseason success over the years. But they've also been a pretty good franchise. They've fielded winning teams for many years. They're a century-old franchise that hase developed many lifelong fans. Lifelong Rays fans are in Junior High School right now. And that's alright - twenty years from now, there will be many lifelong Rays fans. They'll sell out whatever new ballpark they build. Good teams do that.

There was a time when the Astrodome had awful attendance. It was the pre-1997 years, when the team hadn't made the postseason since Nolan Ryan was pitching. Ownership sucked most of those years, until Drayton bought the team.

But a decade of postseason appearances and a lack of pro football in Houston made the city a baseball town. The Astros don't sell out every night, but they do fairly well considering how awful the teams have been since 2006.

It will be the same with the Rays. They'll do well, build a fanbase, and sell out stadiums later. Right now, though, it's kind of no-win situation for Rays fans. If they don't go to games, they're bad fans. But if they do go, then they're bandwagon fans. I suppose they can take solace in being a better team than Boston, though.

--------------------------------

I'm watching the ALCS right now, and it occurs to me that Boston is roughly as white right now as the 2005 Astros. Remember that? I remember taking shit for that on the internet - the only minorities were Zeke Astacio and Willy T. A big deal was made about the fact that Houston didn't have any black players. All Boston has is Coco Crisp. Whatever.

Christ, I hate Joe Buck.

And Tim McCarver. Right now, I'm watching their NLCS broadcast. And they won't shut the fuck up about how terrible Manny Ramirez is as a person. How he acted like a dick in Boston. How he shoved that traveling secretary in Houston.

Look, I know that this is the conventional wisdom about Ramirez. But it's a load of crap. He's got the same problem that Carlos Beltran has - he makes everything look too easy. He's like the geeky kid in your calculus class who finishes the test half an hour before everyone else - you hate that he does it so much better than you could hope to. But the fact is that while that kid (and Manny and Beltran) is blessed with great natural gifts, he also works pretty fucking hard.

From everything I've heard about the guy, Manny Ramirez is one of the toughest workers in baseball. He spends hours of extra time in the batting cages. He works on his hitting technique and approach like few others. The man didn't get where his is by just coasting.

Now, I hear all the dipshits amongst you talking about how Ramirez was dogging it in his last month in Boston. That's a load of bullshit. The guy hit .347 with an OBP of .473 in his final month with the Red Sox. Manny was traded because Epstein had it in for him, not because he was throwing games.

And, yeah, he shoved that guy. We all have bad days. That doesn't excuse it, but it does mean that we should forgive it if the victim has forgiven Manny.

And I hear that he's kind of a dick. He doesn't like to sign autographs, and he frequently doesn't show up to charity events and such. Well, that really shouldn't be expected of him. He's a private individual, and he can do whatever the hell he wants with his time. Just because he's an athlete doesn't mean he has to conform to our desires or image of what a sports figure should be. It's great if our sports stars are like Berkman, Biggio or Sampson. But they don't have to be.

So lay off of the guy. He does his job, and that's really all that should be expected of him. He's one of the greatest right handed hitters of all time, so I don't really give a shit if he doesn't hustle on easy ground outs.

Shalom, everybody!

It's Yom Kippur! And since Tulane has a roughly 30-40% Jewish student body, we get the day off. Doesn't help me much, since I only have one class on Thursdays, anyways, but it's a nice gesture, even if I am Catholic.

So the Astros started making cuts. My favorite comment from the Astros website on this is from "Tranquillado": "That's a shame about Borkowski. Oh, wait, no it's not." I chuckled pretty hard at that one.

I suppose they're making room for FA's and draft protection. However, Drayton's said they probably won't go after the big-name FA's this season. I don't know how I feel about that. As I've said before, it seems like Drayton and Wade are half-assing the whole thing. They need to either pick the "spend a lot of money and get free agents" route or the "rebuild the farm and get good later" route. I favor the latter, but they have most of our big pieces locked up. Lee, Oswalt, and Berkman all have no-trades. Tejada is untradeable. Only Valverde and Wigginton might command something special. So you might as well go after free agents this winter. Whatever.

In other news, Jason Castro apparently led the HWL with a .438 BA in his first week. He now is 5th. Still, that's pretty good. He's only walked three times (2 BB, 1 IBB), but he's doing well. He only has two doubles, however.

The Astros took a lot of shit for drafting Castro. I know that I would have preferred Smoak. But I think that Wade was really drafting for signability, allowing him to spend later (as with Seaton). And Castro had done fairly well in low-A. He's not hitting for the kind of power that one would like, but he's walking about 11% of the time and can add power. And there's really nothing wrong with a guy who just hits for average and has a good OBP. It's, sadly, kind of a lost art. Ichiro is commonly thought of as that type of player, but (unlike Tony Gwynn, for instance) he hardly ever walks. We're looking for more of a Wade Boggs type player.

So if Castro turns into that type of player, that's fine. Hitting for average and the occasional double or homer while still walking makes you a great player. And it's the kind of player that really helps out teams, especially when you've got sluggers behind you.

I guess that's the bright side of the Astros not signing anybody significant. We at least won't lose any draft picks. And maybe Wade can really build a good farm system.

This is pretty cool.

This little ESPN page has a list of MLB players' walk-up music. My favorite is Tejada's choice (I hope it's his choice anyways, and not some cruel joke by the MMPUS staff) of Toby Keith's "(I Ain't) As Good As I Once Was." Somebody told me that this was his new walk-up music around late July, and I really couldn't believe it. Remarkably self-effacing.

Kazuo Matsui's song is some DDR song. Stereotypical, but somewhat surprising.

Berkman's choices are an interesting mix of the expected and surprising. What you might expect: Ted Nugent and some Christian rock song. Not really surprising: Godsmack, Motley Crue. WTF?: Nickelback's "Animals." Christ, I hate Nickelback. As I once said to a friend, they lack poise.

I really think that Carlos Lee should have a mariachi band play his entrances. That would be sweet.

Remember your roots

The inestimable Tom Kirkendall points out that this loss was up there with the worst in Houston sports history. And he kindly lists those other epic chokes.

He links to a story about John Elway's 98 yard drive to stop Houston from reaching the AFC championship game. I was too young (and in Baltimore) to remember that one. And I certainly didn't realize that our own Gary Kubiak was the holder on the Broncos' game-winning kick. Damn.

Never forget, folks, that Houston has a long history of choking, largely unrecognized by the outside world. It's a proud history. It wouldn't be Choke City without those events.

Choke City proves it once again

Jesus. That was just fucking awful. I commented to my roommate that, with about five minutes left in the game and up seventeen points, the Texans were probably not going to lose this one. But they found a way, goddamn it, because that's their job.

I think everything that needs to be said about the game has been said. Rosenfels almost got a spectacular win, but then he cost us the game. Three consecutive turnovers. Fuck. So instead, I'd like to write about some of the comments I've seen. Most of these will be from the Chronicle website, primarily because that site brings out the idiot brigade.

Everyone wants to blame Sage, but he is the reason they were up. His deciveness with the offense and command of the huddle. He is to blame for not covering up the football, but the coaching should get a serious look for this collapse.

No, Sage was not responsible for the lead. That was play calling, Slaton, Daniels, and Andre Johnson, with a healthy dose of a resurgent defense. Go back and look at Sage's TD pass to AJ. That was almost a pick, and if Johnson weren't such a monster, it would have been going the other way. He threw into triple or quadruple coverage several times. Those were awful decisions, and he was only saved by the Colts' failure and the receivers' brilliance. Carr could have taken us to that point.

And he is definitely responsible for every bit of that collapse. HE tried the ridiculous leap-over-the-defense-for-the-1st-down play. HE couldn't protect the football. HE threw the interception to end the game.

With that said, the DC should still be fired. Our defensive playcalling sucks.

UUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! What a heartbreaker! Why wouldn't Kubiak pull Sage after the second turnover!? I could see his deer-in-the-headlights look on a low-definition TV!

Because (1) Schaub had a bad case of the shits, and (2) Owen Daniels is our third back-up. To be fair, though, I think Owen Daniels as QB would be pretty cool for a few plays. Just snap the ball to him and play him like a FB.

First:
All of you saying you are through with the Texans - PLEASE live up to your word and get the heck out!! You're are not needed or wanted in the fan base.

Listen, man. It's understandable to hate this fucking team right now. It's been almost seven years of losing (or not-winning!) football. We have yet to get a playoff appearance. Yet to post a winning season. Yet to do anything.

And I really don't blame Houstonians and the rest of Southeast Texas if they don't want to watch this team lose week after week. It fucking sucks. And we see the two teams we hate most - Dallas and the Titans - planning for playoff appearances. Meanwhile, we pray for a winning season.

So I understand if someone doesn't want to keep watching and hoping. That's fine. And if we start doing well, I hope they come back. I don't want them to leave permanently. At this point, it's not as if anyone watching is a bandwagon fan. It's not like they're the Astros or Rockets - teams that have failed to do anything after years of awesomeness. They're the fucking Texans. They wouldn't be jumping off the bandwagon, because there is no bandwagon to speak of.

The Texans Oilered it. This is not how you grow or maintain a fan [base].

Go Texans! Beat dallas!

See, that's the appropriate response. They choked. That's why we're Choke City (I particularly like the "Oilered it" comment). I mean, it sucked to watch them blow this. It was a real kick in the gut. But I couldn't help but chuckle at the damn thing. It was fucking comical. They just totally fucked up, and that's what we've come to expect. It would be weird (pleasant, but weird) if they didn't blow it.

So I'll still watch next week. I'll watch them until I die or they move. They're Houston's team, and so they're my team. I want them to kick ass next week, but I'm willing to wait until they do. It's getting harder year by year, though.

EDIT:

This collapse has inspired a new title card. Unfortunately, I can't find a photo of Rosenfels' Jim Brown style move, so I'll just use this photo of his later fumble.

So, was this a worse collapse than The Comeback? Probably. Granted, the Buffalo incident came with a hall-of-fame QB at the helm and the playoffs on the line, but that was also the result of Buffalo just playing like beasts.

While Rosenfels imitated Moon's fumble, Rosenfels absolutely choked on this one. No credit can really be given to the Colts offense. This one is squarely of Rosenfels.

Eat shit, Cubsfans (part 2)

hahahahahahahahahaha

oh jesus

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

hahahaha

oh, fuck

hahahahahahaha

Dem Bums pulled off the finest upset since the Super Bowl. Wonderful.

I don't believe in luck or karma, but if there is such a thing, then I think the Cubs lost all of it with the Milwaukee Astros series. Right then, I knew that the Cubs just wouldn't win if God is just (and He cares about baseball, which I'm sure He does). He surely wouldn't reward a fan base that boos hurricane victims.

Of course, He also lets the Yankees win, but I figure that was just to test us.

Fuck the Cubs, that was fucking awesome.

We're probably going to lose tomorrow...

and that's alright. I mean, it's not like 0-4 is a big hole or anything. It's not like we were all hopeful that this year - yes this very year - might be the year the Texans finally post a winning record. I didn't really buy the "we're going to make the playoffs" talk - we don't have a secondary or running game to speak of - but I still maintained hope that the Texans might make it out of the league's "laughing stock" category for once.

This team's got significant problems, and the last four weeks have only cemented that judgment in my mind. You can list the good defensive players on one hand - Mario, DeMeco, Okoye (though he's in a slump), and that's pretty much it. Everyone else is awful. This is particularly disturbing, since the front office has spent most of their top draft picks on the defense.

The offense is better this year. The receiver corps has improved, and Schaub (if he doesn't fuck up) will probably prove himself to be worth the investment. And Steve Slaton has been one of the few happy surprises for the Texans (most in our history have been of the "Surprise! Your #1 pick sucks!" variety).

But you look at where the Texans are as a franchise, and you're seeing a team that has been killed, time and again, by poor luck and poorer decision making. And I think that goes all the way back to Mittens.

The thing with Carr, I think, was that he could have been a good QB. As noted by so many over the years, he has good fundamentals, but he was just never developed. I think that the Texans really should have brought in a veteran free-agent in their first few years, giving Carr time to learn as a back up behind someone who knew what he was doing. I have no idea who was available in 2002, but that's not the point. The bar was set pretty low - they could just grab a journeyman backup for all it mattered. Just somebody who was competant. I don't know if that would have given Carr time to develop - it's entirely likely that he'd still develop into the terrible QB we all loathe - but it seems like that would have been a better strategy.

I don't know what to say about the Texans, otherwise. They're fucked. Maybe they'll tank the season and we'll get the Andre Johnson of safeties in the draft.

This is a recipe for disaster

MSNBC.com's page on the financial crisis is called "Gut Check America." Yes, that's exactly what we need. Not reasoned debate or a careful study of what's wrong - we need a fucking gut check. What does your gut tell you about the financial crises? What's that, gut? You think it was the Jews? Thank you, gut, for telling me about the traitors in our midst. Now all we need is some sort of final solution.

What the hell is everyone so upset about?

So Jerry Jones apparently made some sort of statement about something:

"The Cowboys have never been about checkered tablecloths and boots and hats," Jones says. "They've been about glitz and glitter. Leave the other stuff to the Houston Texans."

You know, he's right. And it's an accurate description of the difference between Dallas and Houston.

Dallas is a city of hicks with money. More money than they know what to do with, in fact. And, thus, they spend their money as you'd expect a bunch of hicks with money to spend - rented BMW's, crappy "designer" shit, etc. And the Jerry Dome.

Houston is more working class. The "checkered tablecloths and boots and hats" and all that crap are a reflection of our nature. It's better than being a bunch of fake assholes. We're a city of working people - rednecks, immigrants, and executives. It's a great place.

But here's the kicker: we're more sophisticated than they are. All the things that makes a city "sophisticated" - the arts, universities, museums, etc. - better in Houston than they are in Dallas. We have a better symphony, opera, art museums, all that crap. Our universities are clearly superior - Rice beats SMU (no fucking shit), and Cougar High is a legitimate institution and the superior of UNT. We're just better with how we spend our money.

So the old claim that Dallas was somehow more "cultured" is false, too. So, if you're scoring at home, points go to Houston for culture, diversity, economy, politics, baseball, basketball, football players who aren't rapists, and history. Oh, and soccer. Dallas gets points for hockey (who cares?) and football teams made up of felons.

Seriously, thank you Jerry. Thank you for pointing out that Houston is better than Dallas. Texans didn't really need reminding of that fact, but all those Yankees might need to be updated on the situation (as it has stood for the last thirty years).

Oh, and fuck Dallas for just reinforcing the typical Texas stereotype. Go to fucking hell, you stupid assholes. Fuck Dallas.

This is ridiculous

MVP voting is always a fucking crap shoot, but that this guy will fill out a ballot for the damn thing is a travesty. I mean, Sabathia and Ramirez are #1 and #2? They played for half a season!

Now, I've made my points about Berkman's candidacy before. I think he deserves the award. And if not him, then Pujols does. And if not him, it's Hanley Ramirez.

But read Heyman's line on Berkman:

10. Lance Berkman, Astros. Houston was just a little too late to the party.

What? They mounted a fantastic run at the playoffs (incidently, however, this had little to do with Berkman, and more to do with Lee and Wigginton)! They finished ahead of Pujols and the Cardinals! What the hell do you want from him? He was clutch, he was fucking Mr. Automatic, and he was just awesome. Without Berkman, the Astros don't have a winning season, let alone a playoff run.

And Ryan Howard? He sucked the whole year! He got good just as the season ended, and that's it. Utley deserves it more than Howard.

And Francisco Rodriguez for the AL MVP? That's just idiotic. The man is an excellent reliever, but he had nowhere near the value that Maeur, Sizemore, Youkilis, etc. had to their teams.

Fuck, people are stupid.