We're fucked. We're so fucking fucked it's unfuckingbelievable.

I've decided that the Astros aren't going to be doing anything interesting for at least a year. I think I might understand maybe what Ed Wade is thinking, and it might just work.

Ty Wigginton, Miguel Tejada, and Jose Valverde are all going to be in their contract years in 2009.

So, let's assume that Wiggy stays the same, Valverde stays healthy, and Tejada improves ever so slightly and keeps his "big name" status.

Then we will have 3 Class A free agents.

So, after the 2009 season, we offer all three arbitration. All three decline, rightly concluding that they can make more money elsewhere.

All go to nice, big, rich teams with winning records. We get a total of six extra 1st round picks: 3 from the other teams and 3 supplemental picks.

We will have (at least) 7 first round picks.

Drayton McLane then commits to spending $12 million in the draft, snapping up expensive talent left and right. He can do that because he's suddenly freed up about 20 million in payroll.

The problem, then, is 2010. Lance and Roy will both be in contract years. We have to decide then what to do with them. If we let them go (I know, it would hurt like hell), we get even more from other teams. We take the four draft picks and use them similarly. We invest the difference in Venezuela and the Dominican Republic. And Cuba, because that regime is going to be gone in a few years.

After all is said and done, the corps players who lead this team for a decade are gone, but the organization as a whole is healthy. We churn out talent. We become the powerhouse that Houston deserves. We go to Busch stadium and burn that bitch to the ground after Jacob Priday hits a homer that sends the blimp covering the 2013 NLCS crashing into the stands.

The 2013 World Series is finished in four games. Our opponents are the Yankees. Jeter, sitting in the stands during game 1, takes a line drive foul to the head, decapitating him. The last game is in MMPUS, because the entire All-Star lineup was made up of Astros starters and we kicked ass.

The sheer force of Astros awesomeness results in the Bud Adams imploding, the Texans suddenly becoming the Oilers (but this time they don't suck), the Rockets ten-peating, and the Dallas Cowboys folding from lack of interest. The Texas Rangers become the Dallas Rangers after everyone realizes how stupid it is to name a team with an in-state rival after said state. They promptly move to Mexico City after ownership realizes that those fucks in Dallas don't give a shit about baseball.

The Astros dominate the National League until an asteroid hits the Earth, destroying all life. But Craig Biggio stuffs his kid into a space capsule, sending him into space just before the Earth is destroyed. Conor becomes "The Last Son of Earth," transporting the game of baseball and the story of the Houston Astros to the alien world upon which he lands.

Or, you know, we'll go out this offseason and grab some more starting pitching. And we'll lose next season but have larger problems down the road. Either one.

Why do I say all this stupid shit? Because I just looked at the Lexington Legends' stats for the year. Do you know who lead the team in batting average and OBA? Matt Cusick. The guy we traded LaTroy Hawkins for.

It was then that I realized that Ed Wade was fucking lying when he said that Cusick was well worth the trade. The Yankees thought well enough of him to place him in high A as soon as they got him. He's on the DL right now, so we can't really evaluate his stats. But the fact is that Wade traded a guy that the fuckin Yankees thought should be promoted - a guy who led our shitty team in a number of important areas - for a fuckin middle reliever that they thought should be discarded. Hawkins is okay, but we can't afford to lose this kind of prospect. Not when we have so little. Fuck.

And Chad Reineke did well in his first start for the Padres.

GODDAMMIT! WE'RE FUCKED!